


I Need You

by lovely_rita



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Angst, But they don't die in the fic don't worry, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Future Character Death, Lots of it, M/M, One Shot, Paul and John really love each other, Sorry no other Beatles in this one, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22247080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovely_rita/pseuds/lovely_rita
Summary: 'Please remember how I feel about you.I could never really live without you’.
Relationships: John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Comments: 15
Kudos: 46





	I Need You

**Author's Note:**

> I am new to writing for this fandom so please be nice!! :)  
> I am currently writing a mclennon fic which is so far 16000 words and I'm not even halfway through yet, but I couldn't resist posting this oneshot I wrote a while ago in the meantime.
> 
> PLEASE READ THE TAGS BEFORE READING!!!!  
> This is angsty and there are a lot of tears. Sorry it's depressing.

“ _I’m sorry Paul. There’s nothing more we can do_.”

John watches the doctor leave before he drops Paul’s hand and stands up, shoving the chair away. Paul doesn’t look at him.

John’s hands ball into fists and his chest heaves and he kicks the bottom of the bed with a guttural sob. There’s no response from Paul, and he kicks the bed again and drops his head into his hands, fisting his hair in between his fingers. The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face and he feels the muscles of his chin quiver.

“John.”

_Paul_.

John stills but doesn’t look up.

“John luv. It’s okay.”

_No, it’s not._

Paul’s voice pulls him from his dazed state and he snaps his head up violently.

“No, it’s not,” he gasps, sobs clawing at the back of his throat. “How can this be okay Paul?”

He watches Paul sigh, sinking back into the pillows like all the fight has left him.

“John-“

“How can ya sit there and be fine with this? How can ya be okay knowing that all of this... all of this fighting was for nothing?” John cries, his hands flailing around as he paces over the same spot at the end of Paul’s bed.

Paul doesn’t answer, and John stops pacing, a wounded noise emitting from his lips as he grips a hand in his hair.

He looks up at Paul. _Paul_ , who’s too pale and too skinny and has tubes and wires connected to him, so many John can’t count them even if he tried. Paul meets John’s eyes and the latter sighs. He finally resigns his pacing when he realises Paul looks just as heartbroken as he feels.

He wipes his tears away with the back of his hand and slumps down into the chair next to the younger man. He hangs his head and after a few minutes feels a cold - _too cold_ \- hand at his cheek, lifting his head so that he‘s facing the one person he doesn’t want to right now.

Paul’s eyes glint, and John’s breath hitches.

“John,” Paul soothes, brushing his thumb backwards and forwards over John’s cheek.

“How can ya be okay with leaving me?” _How can you do this to me?_

John’s voice cracks and he whimpers, turning his face to look away from Paul, and he feels as the hand leaves his face.

A beat passes and there’s a voice in John’s head, _he’s gonna leave you Johnny, he doesn’t care_ , but it’s silenced when Paul tugs at his arm, finally grasping his hand when John shifts a little closer.

“There’s no way I’d ever wanna leave ya, Johnny. But this isn’t about want. Neither of us ‘ave a choice in this.”

John looks up at Paul and it’s like a switch is flipped. He _seethes_.

The anger he had for the situation seems to have displaced itself and fallen on Paul. He pushes Paul’s hand away from his own and frowns.

“Y’know what? Fuck you, Paul.”

Paul looks slightly upset but not entirely shocked. He doesn’t push John for an answer. He knows he’s going to get one but John always has a way of going about things first, skirting around the main subject and letting anger be a prominent force to hide that he was feeling something else, something _deeper_.

“This is yer fault, Paul. You’re the one that’s given up. They’ve offered ya more treatment, more tests and more medications but you refused. If you had taken it, ya could be here longer. We wouldn’t be in this hell if ya had just accepted the damn treatment Macca.”

The anger dissipates just as quickly as it came, and he takes Paul’s hand back into his own, pressing himself closer to the bed with a murmured apology.

Paul doesn’t pull away or throw a fit, he just smiles slightly at John, tears threatening to spill from his eyes as the other looks up at him.

“John if I’d accepted the treatment, it would’ve made no difference. I could maybe last a few more weeks or even months, but I’d be even iller than I am now an’ I don’t want that Johnny. I wanna be able to spend my last few weeks with ya, and not have to worry about hospital appointments an’ sickness from the meds. It’ll jus’ be you ‘n me.”

John squeezes his hand with a teary smile. “Jus’ me ‘n you.”

Paul smiles at him, a genuine one that still makes John’s heart flutter, and lets go of John’s hand to carefully scoot to the other side of the bed. John takes that as an invitation and cautiously climbs in next to him, careful of the wires and tubes that come from every direction. 

Paul settles against his chest, and it reminds John of early mornings, filled with chaste kisses and lazy whispers, sleepily wrapped around each other with Elvis crooning lowly in the back. 

He tugs his fingers through Paul’s uncombed hair and scolds himself for not reminding the other to brush it earlier.

Paul hums against him and sniffles quietly. John wraps an arm around his waist to pull him in closer, and Paul turns his head to bury it in John’s chest. John soothes him, his hand continuing to comb through the younger man’s hair whilst the hand around his waist calmly rubs the small of his back. After a few minutes, gut-wrenching sobs are snatched away from Paul’s chest, and John’s clings to him as he watches his lover’s body become racked with an onslaught of tears and cries that stick to his throat.

“Paul ya need to calm down luv. It’s okay. I’m here.”

Paul buries his fists in John’s shirt but his sobs start to subside with John’s careful mantras of commiserative words.

“I didn’t mean it, Paul. None of this is yer fault. None of it. I’ll jus’ miss ya s’all.”

The hiss of the oxygen becomes audible again over Paul’s cries.

John studies the man lying with him, feeling what little warmth he gives off, the softness of his skin, the way his hair has grown slightly so that his fringe is almost covering his eyes.

_It should’ve been me_ , he thinks as Paul’s breath starts to stutter and his chest stops heaving so much.

Paul moves his face from John's chest and instead moves upwards a little to nuzzle it into John’s neck, breath still hitching.

“Love ya, Johnny,” he mumbles.

John smiles. 

_It should’ve been me._

“Love ya Paulie." 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!!  
> You can find me on tumblr at @lovely-rita-meter-maidd where I write small ficlets and headcanons. Don't be afraid to send me an ask! They are greatly appreciated :)  
> Thank you for reading <3 <3


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